Thinking

Lately, I have been thinking about alot of things. Just last nite, I had a dream about friends from secondary school whom I have not even seen in a long long time. Its weird. Totally weird and I can even remember their faces in my dream. I wake up at wee hours of the morning when my body tells me that its not ready to move nor been awaken yet.

I am the sort of person that hardly have a good night sleep these days. My facial lady also told me that my complexion is getting worse and the dark ring around the eyes never seem to go away. Mind you, I have been going to this lady for the past 8 years. Long time huh.

I thought back about why I can't seem to sleep. I think its slightly better than before, the months when I was working at that place eventhough it was only for 3 months. Every night I hardly slept. I remember clutching my rosary at night and praying and asking God to take this away from me esp my fear - the fear of facing another day. Since that time, I think I am slightly better but not totally.

a little out of the topic...............
I remember a person once told me there is a difference between being lonely and being alone. People who are alone - usually choose to be alone. They enjoy the company of the so call alone-ness. Loneliness on the other hand comes mainly from the inside. Its like something really hollow within you. Its like a void inside of you. Dark and quiet. Thats how I feel it sometimes.

But to be frank, I am alone most of the time. I can say that sometimes I enjoy being alone. I dine alone at times even for dinner. Well actually its more than " at times". Its quite often. I dont' care that people stare me or whatever. I am okay with it. But sometimes when the feeling of loneliness engulfs me, I really wished I have company then.

Wouldn't it be great to have someone beside you, walking with you through this journey of life? A journey that seem so long sometimes and filled with trials and turbulence. Tough.

i know I think alot but frankly, my mind just can't cease from thinking. Every waking moment, its working. And not only waking moment , even when I am asleep too. Sigh.